The
Internet is the spark of controversy of all forms in our modern world; legal
issues of piracy, conflict regarding the effects it has on the health of its
users, and pointless and endless controversy regarding how, much time teenagers
and children spend immersed in it all spark from the supposed “greatest
invention” humanity can be accredited for, however, dare I say it that should
any one man or woman be able to device a solution that will bring an end to
this endless disputing, he or she should be regarded as the greatest mind
humanity has and will ever know, and be showered with unending riches
throughout the duration of their entire lifetime.
Many claim the conflicts which arise on the Web, whether
it be bickering between acquaintances or bullying and hate crimes, are so
abounding that it would be impossible to eliminate them in one swoop, yet I do
say they are mistaken, for I have humbly devised a humble plan that will humbly
end all conflict born from the Internet now and forever in a single step. My
humble plan will indeed end all discussions over Internet legal issues such as
piracy, it will bring about a change for the better in the health of the common
people, and best of all end all discussions about how it affects our youth, for
the humble plan I humbly devised will indeed humbly end it all. What is my
humble plan you ask, well it is one that has been applied by other minds throughout
history although none as brilliantly as I; to eliminate the conflict, we must destroy
its source.
My scheme has been the product of long periods of thought
and process and has been devised in such a manner as will flawlessly eliminate
all issues that sprout from the Internet. No longer shall theft occur in the
form of piracy by illegal downloads of music, movies, or software; nor in
physical form of contraband CD’s and DVD’s. Artists, authors, and movies will
no longer gain recognition by aid of the internet; and this very want of known entertainment
would bring an end to contraband for no one would purchase a CD or DVD of a movie
or artists of whose very existence he or she was oblivious to regardless of how
cheap it might be. Furthermore, the sheer number of musical albums, literary
pieces, and works of film will plummet as in modern day a huge portion of our entertainment
is generated by indie developers who will no longer possess a portal through
which they may make public their creations, thus curtailing the repertoire of entertainment
contrabandist could use.
My proposal of humble origins would also promote healthy
habits through the elimination of online commerce. No longer would people be
able to rely on electronic commerce for their goods, they would need to go to
stores and physically purchase whatever items they might need. No longer could presents
be ordered online, nor movies be streamed, humanity would once again be forced
to be active, and to interact with one another. Some might claim the
elimination of online commerce might take a toll on the economy since this is
what a huge portion of the world’s trade consists of, however I say this would
do nothing but help the economy since online businesses would need to adapt to
the new personal form of market, and businesses which were thrown into
bankruptcy by online commerce and streaming such as blockbuster would have a
chance to once again prosper, this new need for person to person shopping
experiences would be the gateway to creating millions of jobs as businesses
would have plenty a new position to fill both new businesses and old. Businesses
ruined or damaged by piracy such as is the case with record and movie stores
would once again come to light as the main outlets for these forms of
entertainment.
The final and perhaps strongest point in my humble
proposition, is that the elimination of the internet would take away the
ability of children and teenagers to explore their talents and learn about
interests outside of what they learn in school, and instead give rise to
generations of well-taught machines who are taught in the best manner possible:
strictly to the test. Children need not know about rich foreign cultures other
than those taught in social studies courses, nor do they need to learn to write
outside the standardized format. A child will no longer be able to learn
cursive in second grade through online learning sites, after all, that is third
grade work. Children need not learn varied musical styles that they will not
learn outside their music courses, after all that time could be spent learning
complex polynomials. Teenagers need not be exposed to writings and music of
others like them, they should be learning the correct way to do things, the way
the teachers mandate.
I do not reject the knowledge nor the ideas of other men
and women of possible solutions to this problem, but I do confess with utter
honesty and confidence that I doubt any other system proposed will work as flawlessly
as my own. I also assure that I nominate this humble proposition for
consideration wishing only to better the world, I wish to dictate that I hold
no bias into the carrying out of this plan, but I do once again state, that I firmly
believe that my humble plan which I have so humbly devised will bring an end to
all conflicts as I have mentioned in this proposition.
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